Sanity. An overrated concept.

I've heard it's a fine line between being sane and batshit cray cray. That's my sweet spot. I live there. 

Do I smell glasses after washing them? I do. 

Do I break said glass and carve * one direction*  on my arm? No. 

Have I had conversations with paranormal entities? Yes.

Do I play PS4 with them when I get bored? No.

We all have thought ands quirks that would be deemed unsafe and unacceptable in a civilized society.If you think you don't, you're a liar. Like Gandhi when he said he was repulsed by sex with his wife when in reality he had the hots for Mr. Kallenbach. 

To be judgemental I think is something we learn involuntarily, just like crawling or walking.That awkward moment when the boy sat across you,picked his nose and ate his mucus? You LIAR. You judged him like he was bacon on a halal burger.

Why am I ranting about this though? It's because I want to be able to tell the world I'm sad. I'm surrounded by arseholes who make me sad. Sad enough that I need to be medicated to not want to stab myself in the neck and I don't want to be judged by anyone else for it.In the shallow society that we live in though, the moment you admit to having a mental illness, people throw the most random suggestions at you.

 "Maybe you will feel better if you have a child? " - Yes, Mary. Having a kid scream at your face day in and day out is just what I need.

"Have you thought about going on a holiday?"-  Do you even know me? I work in the NHS. To get leave for a holiday, I need to book it a year in advance and sacrifice a virgin, who I have to bring back from death to do my GIM on calls.

"You're fine.You just need to man up and fix yourself"- Sure, the lack of a phallic organ is the root of all my problems.

" Why do you make everything about yourself? You have other responsibilities that you mustn't forget!" - I'm sorry that I took a moment to think about myself. I must be selfish. You're absolutely right.

Why are we as a society so primitive when it comes to judging people for their behaviour when on the other end of the spectrum we elect uneducated imbeciles who promote sexism and communalism? Why are there double standards to our judgemental nature? It's baffling. Why is it that someone taking anxiolytics is taboo but telling people that their religion is not as good as yours is not? 

I'm beginning to lose the plot to surviving in this world. Being dead inside also probably throws your emotional intelligence off. A tiny bit.

However, as in Egyptian mythology, to get to the Sekhet -Aaru ( heaven), your heart gets weighed by Goddess Maat against a feather to decide if you've lived a virtuous life. If your heart weighs more than a mini blue whale rather than that of a feather,Ammit,a lioness who also part times as a Goddess,eats it and thus ends your journey to Aaru and then your soul floats around the universe like a poor person in Harrods. For eternity. 

So I'm going to try and make my heart a little lighter but incase Ammit has me for dinner, hit me up at Harrods won't you? Or you could be kind.er.

Am I ageist? Not any more.

There are days I often lead myself to believe I'm a talentless lump of coal and I should stick to what I know- ask people about the consistency of their faeces. Then are there days like today where I believe that I can write funny anecdotes about my life and tell the world about it. Either way you can't win. It's either this or I can ask about your poo and no one really wants that.

As I've descended into the dreaded thirties, I'd like to think I've matured into a sophisticated, educated, young ( DO NOT SNIGGER) lady who would be able to hold reasonably intelligent conversations over a dinner table, should it be required. Little did I know that my life as a junior doctor in the NHS will ensure that I would not need  any of these aforementioned skills.

Sophisticated went out of the window when I had to scream " Oye" at the patient who jumped out of a window and ran around the garden in crutches because he wanted to go home. The bubble of education burst when I realized my F1( intern) gave me a look of disgust, after he asked me about the inferior epigastric vessel distribution,I pointed my ascitic drain needle to an area in the flank of a patient and replied " If you poke here,it might not bleed". Now on to the last controversial area of age. In this part of the world, the big 3-O is apparently when you realize the world is your oyster, you have an established career, you find love and there is general consensus that it isn't as bad as it seems. My version however involved waking up tired everyday,wondering if my hair loss is permanent,buying  shoes with heels that I will never wear or regret it instantly when I do wear them as well as feeling  pure shock and horror at the amount of facial hair a person with two functioning (also debatable) ovaries can grow. You also quickly realize that dinner at this point is a packet of crisps you found by chance in your bag from an old on call day when you missed eating it because someone decided to smoke through their tracheostomy tube and trigger a crash call turning your life into what can only be classified as your very own Shakespearean tragedy, if he was inclined to writing about really stressed registrars at work in an execrable system.

I cannot lie though.While I sit here watching the sun rise from my apartment in what can only be described as a gelid temperature,I cannot help but feel a glimmer of hope that at some point of time, I will be able to enjoy life as it is. Accept that my license to help people may be taken away from me because I'm human and susceptible to mistakes. I should also be agreeable with the fact that despite of the many feathers I have in my cap as a woman, I will still be measured by the ones that I don't. I am however not plagued by this as much as a younger immature version of me would have been. Sometimes age comes with fair advantages that one tends to overlook. After all, that's why I believe the wiser ones tell me that age is indeed just a number and the true measurement of success is the ability to go to sleep with a sound mind at the end of the day.

Mental note:Must find alternative career option that involves less faeces and more puppies.

Resurgence

I've never been that inclined to keep in touch with people I know. But then you can't really call yourself someone I know right? You're probably coming across this on my facebook page or you're one of the 4 people who've subscribed to this. If you're my husband,reading this to support me, thanks honey.Don't forget to feed the fishies.

Anyway, regardless of how you came here,allow me to give you a brief insight as to what this is about because I'm doing this after 3 years and I forgive you if you've forgotten.

I usually write about nonsense that provokes me , then subsequently get  really annoyed about it and then get carried away.Then people think I'm really frustrated and jobless,because god forbid , if one has a hobby other than looking after the well being of your husband or die away slowly at work while you mind numbingly sit and try to convince people to take the bloody medicines or get lost in the most diplomatic way so that they still let you practice medicine.

Interesting so far?  Let me kill it for you right there.
This is one of those posts where I will ramble on aimlessly.Where you will question yourself,repeatedly,as to what this idiot is on about?,When will this shit end?, How did I even get here ?
Admittedly I have a major dearth of subjects that I can actually talk about because of the cesspool of nonsense my life has become. I do not do anything remotely interesting, other than go to work, come back and do my share of housework. I could talk about the fragrance difference and lasting effects of comfort vs downy and show you my diagrammatic representation of cost effectiveness but would that interest you ? I think not.

So this mundane turn of affairs has left me a little petrified. With the thirties looming over my life like  chlamydia over a hooker's, I feel like I don't have much to show the world(not what the hooker shows though).It's another one of those major milestones. Like when you throw your brother off your bicycle , or when you finally know for sure that someone will definitely grope you,when you get on public transport, or when you realize that you will never be satisfied with any number of shoes.  I have this trepidation that if someone on the street, stops me and asks" What have you achieved so far?" I might not have much to say. Well , primarily because a) Really creepy. Why on earth would I even entertain a random question on the street from a stranger ( taking this moment to make people aware of  stranger danger) b) On regular anti social days I barely get out,on to the streets ,so this whole point will be negated,
Jokes apart, why does society imply that you have to be immensely successful at 30? I understand if you re a business scion but I look at people's booboos for a living. Do you realize how many years it takes for us to finish studying and start earning ?Why is every one's success measured with the same yard stick?
Personally, I never ask people questions to assess their prosperousness . I don't do questions that give room for self reflection and possible crying into pillows at night when I'm gone. I usually en glut whatever information people volunteer willingly,then go back home and wonder in solitude if I should have asked more or did I look like a retard nodding my way through the whole conversation.
Its like people are some how wired to remind you of how your life is not up to their expectations.If there was an app they would have rated you 2.3 with a critical review and a verdict  detailing whether others should even bother striking up a conversation with you in the first place.
 I do wish my life was interesting. I do wish I could travel every other month to exotic locations,around the world, with my diplomat passport and eat smoked caviar , sip some chardonnay while I ease my pedicured feet out of my Jimmy choos and turn my perfect surgically corrected nose up in  utter disdain at the lack of quality of the hors d'oeuvres they're serving on my private yacht.
 Then again people would still find something wrong and judge that my life is not up to the expectations in their mind .
So my moral of the story in the midst of all this immorality is that for the love of all things sweet and precious , stop asking people uncomfortable personal questions. I really don't want to talk about my uterus or why I don't want to stay in India or why I don't have opinions about the feel of your face after waxing off your moustache, If I honestly don't care enough to tell you in the first place , I doubt I'd be okay with you forcing it out of me.
Don't let anyone belittle the things you've accomplished whether it be something fantastic like a post graduate diploma or something trivial as getting your laundry done in time. No yardstick matters as much as your own.

Non-judging-ly yours
 D

Why we don't give a shit !

Its March and I clearly havent been posting anything resourceful this year other than shady massage stories and how george clooney's coming out has depressed me beyond repair . Not that You'd expect me to post anything resourceful either .So its a win-win situation .

Other than addressing a thyroid that seems to be comatose and body fat that forms 80 percent of my body ( according to that smug instructor bitch at the gym), my year has started off on quite a good note thank you .

Nattu and I decided to get married because he needed a reason to take a week off from work and I was jobless enough to humour him ,as getting a post graduation seat in medicine is almost like going to the dealers to get a ferrari with the money for an autorickshaw.

We also figured it'll be a once in a lifetime opportunity to actually have someone take a nice picture of us together without the light reflecting off nattu's face and my arm fat looking like its going to eat him any moment .

Coming to the real reason why this note is being written . I've had my fair share of trysts with possibly the most toxic people spewen on earth by Lucifer himself . Yes , Unbelievably privileged . FML.

Out of the 25 years that I 've walked this earth . Oh ok who am I kidding .Out of the 25 years I've spent slouching about and eating on this earth ,I've met appallingly few people who go by the principle of live and let live .

90% of the people in my social circle firmly believe that ANY business is their business . May it be that tiny nail you decided to colour electric blue to life changing career decisions its almost gauranteed that they have to be involved for the sake of their OWN betterment before masking it under the pretence of them doing the same for YOUR sake.

There is a period in everyones lives where anything your peers say is taken in high regard and its absolutely equal to social murder when we end up doing something that is NOT manipulated by them . Of course 10% of us grow up after this . But I've come to recent note that the rest of us devote ourselves to being eaten alive at the hands of manipulative megalomaniacs .

Often it takes a life event to slap you back into reality . I had one of those epiphanies during my undergraduate days at a hell hole I called college. I was put in a room of 90 odd people ,50% of whom I detested. But that was fine , I didn't intend to be  awarded the Miss Congeniality sash belt  at any point of my life . Nevertheless as hard as it is to admit ,its awfully hurtful when you realize the lips that smile at you during the day is probably the one that says the nastiest things about you otherwise .

Thankfully all it took was a half day out of class, solo walks back to the hostel ,678 cups of coffee and a large amount of hate notes posted on notice boards for me to pause ,crtl save and start a new chapter .

The chapter where I don't give 2 shits anymore . I don't care if you think I was born with 124 toes and I eat pig ears for breakfast because I realized that there will be people who hate me even if I didnt .  I could act comatose and people would still find fault with that . " Look at that she's not coded properly . Why, that bitch !".

This of course preserves my waning sanity, as if I took the nastiest crap to heart, I would've jumped off a cliff a while back and I possibly wouldn't have had the privilege that is my life right now . 

Anyway till someone develops a crass  free app where the consumer can  send a mini electrocution to the recepient with " I DONT GIVE A SHIT "  in glowing cap letters  we've got to resort to letting toxic monsters know personally that you really wish you could be a part of their enticing ways but have other things to do as such as fluffing the feathers of your duster , scraping gum off your shoes ,practicing moonwalking for the next dance dance revolution , grooving to bieber songs and calling random numbers to let them know you're the grim reaper. 

So if you come to me or my friends with complacent remarks of how we're probably stupid because we 're 25 and haven't found a foothold for our career or why we haven't found our love yet  or why we're not social butterflies that long to pierce the world with our infectious yearning for attention , on behalf of the 10% of us whom you label abnormal , may I kindly ask you to note ..

WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK OF US . 

Why you shouldn't mess with us fat people !

Its one of those months where things are moving at a snail's pace and the day finds me  peeling paint off my walls and tying my hair into knots . The latter activity was amusing till I couldn't untie one of the knots and had  my mother cut it off with a scissor  while hurling expletives my way . Then I figured its been a while since I ve entered a post in the "Vagina moanalogues " as  a friend once referred to my rant series . With a disturbing picture of a frowning vagina   and my hair looking like a cat bit off a chunk of it , I will now delve into details of whats teeing me off this time .

I've been fat all my life . I've heard my mother telling stories of  how I used to drink up bottles of milk and the calf of the milkman grew up to resent me . During my preschool days she used to be the object of envy of her friends . When fussy mothers used to lament that their children never ate their veggies or that they were considering protein supplements and Complan , my mother  beamed with pride and gloated on how  I asked for my three meals  ,polished off  everything that was served on my plate including half a rubber band and an ice cream spatula that wasn't , in addition to walking  around the house with the biggest bottle of milk I could muster up strength to hold along with a mini pillow that would be used to rest my head after drinking it up . 

Years passed and things haven't really changed . I love my milk despite of being lactose intolerant and the cows are happy that I'm not overdoing it for fear of spending the night hugging my loo . I  still finish everything on my plate . I cook what I want to eat, share my food  and I'm thoughtful enough to cook for others as well .I still take my pillow where ever I go and Im still fat . 

However the things that have changed is what bothers me . Lets start with my mother . Pride flew out of the window like Dhoni had helicopter shot it  and is now replaced with worry and embarrassment . Her friends ask her why I'm fat and she is often the object of ridicule as opposed to before . When I walk around with a juice bottle in my hand ,my father who once thought it was cute ,now asks me if its the sugar free version that I'm drinking . The peachy skin and chubby cheeks that were once termed adorable is now replaced with  words like obese and double chinned .

Now all that  , I can endure . I know. If you're going to call me a cow ,at least assume that I have the hide thickness of one .Anyway what literally ticks me off is the rudeness and the lack of etiquette with which it  is rubbed in my face . 

Where in the frigging corner  of the earth have the good mannered people fled to? Its like trying to locate Anne Frank during world war II and fruitless as trying to prove OJ Simpson's innocence  . Despite of all the things my parents say to me within the walls of my house  , I would ,even to this day be admonished ( I'm using a relatively harmless word instead of flogged to death ) if  they found out that I told someone on their face that they 're fat or ugly. 

Yes , I'm offended that someone called me fat . Before you think twice and go " But urmm you are .." , as I ve mentioned  innumerable times in this article , I'm very aware of this peculiar little fact . And it does bother me to an extent, but not enough to starve myself to death or tie myself to a treadmill . If I feel like it ,I eat what I like and if I want to, I 'll work out .But , the issue that just ticks me off is when people , think  they 're duty bound to read it out to me and inform  me that I resemble a beached whale .

Poking fun at fat people has been a source of entertainment to mankind since time immemorial . It varies from  the mildly insulting " Ha Ha You need two flight seats to fit  " to " Damn , I would 've hit that if she wasnt a fat whore " . 50 cent didn't exactly help the situation when he sang about "fat bitches " and asked to them to stay away if they re "300 pounds" . Fat jokes that circulate the internet are rated right at the top with those weird Rajni jokes  ,your momma jokes that are crass and blonde jokes that no one seems to get any way (Another rant in itself). We  get entertained with some "good" humoured insulting , groove to offensive music and get on with our lives . 

No one, not for a minute ,ever turns back to take a look at the poor overweight soul who nodded and giggled along to  all your boorish jokes . Not everyone takes it to heart I know . Me? Im like the bird who got pushed off a cliff . A fall is inevitable but you learn to fly anyway . Today  though , I'm speaking for every person on the heavier side  of the scales, for every girl who has sobbed into her pillows at night because an ass called her fat , for every guy who could never find a T shirt that fit him in the regular stores , for every patient with an endocrinological problem ,every girl who has PCOS , for every person who was pushed into bulimia and suicide ,and most importantly  every life form in the world that  got bullied for being fat . And I'm positive  they all agree unanimously  with me ,when I make it clear that the only thing we need of you to do is MIND YOUR OWN BLOODY DAMN BUSINESS. 

We all know admitting our weakness is akin to social suicide these days . Physical appearances dominate over intelligence ,personality , character and education . But if you prance around me and call me fat while you stink like an unkempt urinal  or ask me how hard it is for me to find tops in XXL size  when you look twice your age affected with marasmus , just dont expect me to shut up, be courteous  or not be offended.  I dont give 2 hoots what your reason is .If you want me to be healthy , fuck it!  Im 24 and did my undergraduate course in medicine . I know I might die while climbing up the stairs but its MY frigging choice . If you want me to be a stronger person ,prime my mind to  a higher level of confidence when people make fun of me,I'll have you know that I have a very intact backbone and perhaps more testicles than you.I dont need you to give me test doses and coach me or I'm going to have to teach you to be stronger as well when you end up having to live with an ugly face when I bash your teeth in .And lastly , I DO NOT need you to tell me the calorific value of everything that I eat in front of you . If I hear you tut tutting or tsking when I'm tucking into my cheesey bites or cream lasagnes I swear to God , wont think twice about head butting you and leaving you on a curb in Delhi where you'd get your brains raped out .

And God help you if I find you bullying any living being .. a human / a dog / a turtle for being overweight . 

If you genuinely care about the person in question , and you want them to lose weight for specific health reasons , take them to a physician who has the right to tell them they have to pull up their socks  and get sorted out . 

You can call this rant of mine an overreaction ,a dramatic response to perhaps a very infinitesimal remark from an  acquaintance of mine ,but to me it was the last strand of hay that broke the camel's back .

Because for every person who presumably is perfect in every way possible to judge others there is going to  be a shattered individual whom they pushed off the cliff .

For every rude remark made , there is a talented person who gets intimidated, remains  forever in a closet and perhaps take it to their grave .

For every snarky swipe made at  body fat , there is a young mind that contemplates suicide.

For every rejection of  acceptance, there is an individual being lured by Bulimia .

Things arent as hunky dory as they seem and while you revel in your comic timing , do take a moment to notice that you' ve doused the fire inside a heart ,though they may never ever  admit it to you  in their lives . 

And while you re at it take a good long hard look at yourself , know what and who you are before you consider yourself qualified  or of any substantial importance before you call foul on someone else's follies . 

Its not late yet . As my best friend once told me , to err is human , to admit you erred is superhuman .If you know you've been a prick to someone  especially on the basis of physical qualities ,race ,caste ,religion and belief , mend it asap as I keep reminding every time I write , karma is ruthless  and when she bitch slaps you on your face ,it might be just a tad too late .

Borrowing the words of Edwin Markham from his poem "A creed " ,I quote 

"

There is a destiny that makes us brothers: 
none goes his way alone,
All that we send into the lives of others ,
comes back into our own.


Dramatic yet defensively yours 


D 


PS : If anyone reading this post is being bullied or taunted  by an imbecile for being a plus sized individual , you may contact me and I will hunt the bugger down . Promise xx

Monogamy fail.

As luck would have it I recently found myself sitting at one of those crowded food court tables at the Dubai mall tucking into a deluxe burger while my sibling was nervously glancing around hoping no one would ask him where he found the hungry hippo with the mayo smeared over her face .While I was devouring the breadcrumbs off my fingers and my brother was almost fainting in embarassment ,I saw an exquiste louis vuitton ( btw if I had a choice Id pronounce it lewis vatton like a true mallu as lui vit-oun sounds snobbish as the french would like it to sound ) bag being waved about my face . The lady in reception of my retarded expression  was  probably no younger than 20. She was walking with this burly egyptian man who seemed to be salivating when anything with boobs entered his visual field.I'm sure even the cartoon of the happy cow on one of those steak houses(i know!!) felt a little uncomfortable  when it caught him leering . This combination of his hanging tongue ( no pun intended) and her nonchalance concerning her partner's ogling left me in that unfamiliar and dangerous territory of nonsensical note provoking thoughts.

Monogamy. One word. Shit load of responsibility and 90% of us wish it wasnt a norm of society . I know this probably had nothing to do with the couple mentioned above and for all you know they re erm very happy but paranoia being a congential weakness and flight of ideas being an acquired one ,I thought of the concept of monogamy and  thought it was perhaps the most scariest thing we deal with in the present day.

Before the forever-after group and the staunch supporters of the twilight saga ( where Bella ,the indecisive twit tries to monogamise choosing between the only 2 gayest  guys she could find on the face of the earth) bring out their brick bats , allow me to walk you through what can possibly be the killer of monogamy for me . 

1) We were fortunate to be born into a world of choices . Possibly you ve found a man /woman you re alright with .But  We always know things have a possibility of getting better . How the androids bitch slapped the iphones .How people cheated with google plus on fb.The question then arises. What if? What if there is a better person out there. After which of course you can possibly stick your relationship under a fancy tombstone with an RIP inscribed on it .

2)Sex. Primal needs or thoughts can rarely be tamed . Sex with the same person . Over and over and over again .The number of "overs" being directly proportional to the period during which you re actually not * allowed* to pursue it . People get bored . Either you have to be surprisingly innovative or you re going to have to be ok with your man watching 3D porn the moment you step out to do the shopping . Either way , one or the other turns out be a loser in the long run and at the end of it all you get yourself a sad person. 

I could go on about the having to deal with pet peeves and emotional ruckus during PMS continually or for the select few lucky ones who end up with a bipolar person like me , the drastic rudeness that comes mood swings ,all of which could make you stay away from  monogamy like priest from a strip bar but the irony is , I dont think polygamy is a solution either as much as I would want it to be .

STDs apart ,think of being a victim of constant comparison . Be it from coital behaviour to brushing skills .You re going to be pitted against people. In a struggle to out do competition , we 'd end up going to every extent to please an individual and then get worn out in between ( no pun intended here either) when in reality its supposed to be something that we enjoy doing . Also a wise friend of mine once told me at the end of it all,that teeny strand of love in your body would want to do one person more than the other .

So we really cant cut off the umbilical cord of emotion and the wanting to be with a person you can be yourself effortlessly with .Niether can you fathom tolerating their boring idiosyncrasies for life . Bummer . 

In reality ,therefore we end up boring ourselves to death nevertheless ,weighing in the consequences . But if we actually reason it out , would infidelity still be an unforgivable act? Does the exclusiveness that is expected in a relationship include emotion? Would leering or ogling be categorized under infidelity? In that case arent we all victims or culprits of the same? 

Anyhoo. All this would be a matter of concern only to people who have a choice in the first place . If you are in any way like me , and the only people interested in you are those who could pass off for dobby the elf in the Harry Potter movies , then we clearly dont have to bother with this gimcracker of a note that I ve   made and could continue on with our lives . Eating . Sleeping . FB stalking and possibly hoping we wont die a lonely death. 

Ruminatively yours 

D.

Why cosmo should give me a regular column . True story .

I'm not being a drama queen but dear God , karma seems to catch up with me so much that I 'm considering ordering for  two when I dine these days and Im contemplating on reserving some bedspace for it in my room . :(

Its also pretty appalling that only such instances inspires me to write. Nope, no happy stuff. Just the raw cynical nonsense that I dish out , get a few likes(mostly just kartik and kunju.Thank god for them ) ,which  eventually gets erased by FB during a temporary deactivation  triggered by a bipolar mood swing.

Lets dive into the banter shall we?

Today Id like to   drag you through the monotonous shades of my life  and we 'll have a one on one discussion as to why its presumably fucked up .

Among a myriad of reasons , this time I'm going to discuss MEN . Thats right , Im going to get shot down probably within hours of publishing this  but Im willing to make that sacrifice for preserving the sanity of many many women of my age  going through the same shit .

Ive come up with a series of questions and probable theories as to why we end up wanting to decapitate a few morons or love some of them to death and very rarely want to scrape our very own pretty faces against a hard surface .

1) Do you always end up falling for the  WRONG kind of guy ?

Inaccessible? ☑

Different country? ☑ 

Player of the century ?☑

Intelligence of a stick insect ?☑

Most unromantic prick on earth? ☑ 

Why does this happen ? 

My theory : Absolute lack of self respect.  It 'll get lonely. It 'll get dry and arid down there  but it still isnt worth having your best friend pull you back while you re revving a tractor to maim the imbecile down. :| trust me .

Get out . Turn lesbian if required . Do NOT settle for one of the above mentioned kind though .

2)  But I dont need the guy to be romantic ? :S 

Of course you do! Not now. But months into the damn relationshit (not a typo) , you d be searching for something interesting and your unromantic better half would'nt have a clue as to why you re PMSing irregularly  as he isnt TRAINED  to be like that . 

Your thoughts : * HE NEVER does anything nice or out of the ordinary *

His thoughts : * Would she get mad if I ask whats for dinner ? *

 In the long run , please get a romantic man who is a tad creative or thoughtful because , we get bored .Soon enough. 

PS: If your man says he 's not the expressive , romantic kind  give him the boot and he'll realize in a matter of a few days that he can be , if it requires .

3) Space . 

If you like getting space or giving space . Or you give space because space is required , remember one thing .

There is a FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE line between giving space and ignoring blatanlty . If you re not a professional , dont try it at home , You ll end up a sulky woman  or a lonely man with all the space in the world . Forever. 

The whole point of a relationship at the end of the day is the fact that you re going to be in each others " spaces" for a while . Pun intended.

4) I might be rebounding .

You re going to sit and compare everything about this new guy with the old chooth and finally its going to drive him up the wall. Then this is going to get messy and then you ll rebound again and again and again and you 'll end up a lonely woman at the country side with goats nibbling on your hair or feeding pigeons at your window sill not being able to figure out who was better of the lot .

 Moral of story : Get the fuck out of there and refer to  point one of this article .

5) NEVER NEVER NEVER  another woman's man .

 Its just pure evil and there is a very special place in hell for those lot. Above mentioned karma will bitchslap you in a minute and send you into a frenzy of insanity and you very well know , a man that strays , will stray on you as well .

 Thats it for now though Im sure this will mark a new series of afterthoughts in multiple relationships I know , have heard of  and been in . 

The wrath of a couple of happy - go -lucky men will be set  upon me  soon  and if I die , Id like the world to know that sharu gets my ipod  and kunju gets to preserve my hair in a bottle to scatter across the arabian sea . 

Cynically and probably single for life ingly  yours

D

If there are grammatical errors and typos .. suck it . lol